A beet is a beet is a beet is a beet?

My best friend has dematerialized (on an aeroplane, to Costa Rica), and there is no hope of her rematerializing for over a month. I have mostly spent this weekend lamenting the loss and reading Robbins. I seriously considered setting fire to one of her shoes and blowing smoke rings in the shape of her left breast but eventually came to my senses when I realised that she would probably be pretty pissed off when she returned to find her favourite pair of shoes one short. I’ve also spent this weekend thinking a great deal about beets. I love beetroot, I always have, but I have to admit that the beets I indulge in are of the pickled in a jar variety. Do you think Alobar would consider me flawed? Do pickled beets count for anything?